The Frustration of Adoption

Let me start by saying I am a huge supporter of adoption and wish that every child could have a forever family.  I am thankful for all of our biological and adopted children and would do it all over again.  However:

I must say that there are parts of the adoption process that I absolutely hate.   You are dealing with a lot of bureaucrats that could care less.  You are dealing with 2 governments that don’t even like or trust each other.  Some of the agency / social workers you run across can seem like an obstacle more than help on certain days. 

I will say that most of the people we have dealt with on this adoption have been great.  We had a couple of people that were sub-par, one of which we only dealt with for a short time but she frustrated the ever living stew out of both of us and was frankly incompetent.   And another that we deal with from time to time that frustrates me big time.

Now that all of that is said, you push through all of this to get to the end goal of bringing another child into your family.  I would be lying if I did not admit that there are multiple times in every adoption when I have thrown my hands up and been ready to walk away.  But I know that God has called us to adopt and therefore I buckle down, suck it up and keep going and in the end I am very thankful every time.   

For those of you considering adoption or in the process, it is not for the faint of heart. When someone calls me to ask about adoption I will tell them straight out that it is not to be considered lightly and it is likely one of the most frustrating processes you will ever undertake.   I would rather talk someone out of it than to mislead them into this process if they are not called to do it.   Adoption is a calling and if God does not call you to do it and does not make it very clear that it is a path for you then I caution you not to start down that road.  But if God calls you to it, He will help you through it and you should prayerfully consider it.

The often recurring question of finances?   Yes it is expensive, but can you even put a price on the value of a child?  I really get frustrated when people go directly to the money aspect of adoption, or their only question is "What did it cost".  It is not like we just bought a new toy or something.  Some just don’t get it and I will downplay the money side as that is just a means to an end any way.   It is worth every penny and once we decided to adopt it has never been about the money.  Yes with 4 adoptions we have given huge amounts of money to agencies, couriers, travel agents, governments etc.   God has amazing ways of providing the money that is needed for adoption.  As we are currently in the process of adopting I hesitate to address the money issue, but it needs to be mentioned due to the many other families that are considering adoption or in the process.  And that topic is a way that those of you that do not feel led to adopt can help, there are many couples that would adopt if they had the money and there are many in the process that could use a helping hand with the financial aspects.   Consider giving to a family to help with an adoption, consider giving to Show Hope or other great organizations that help families adopt.  Consider mowing the grass for a family that is on an adoption trip, bring a meal when they get home, offer to watch the kids so they can get a much needed date night after they get home from the adoption trip, throw a shower for an adopting family.  Pray for ways God can use you to help others with adoption.

So in the end is it worth it?  Absolutely it is!   I have had my days of frustration when I have wanted to walk away but in just 3 weeks some wonderful care giver in China will hand us a wonderful little 2 year old boy and all of the time, frustration, money, hassles, thousands of miles of travel, you name it, they all melt away.   At that instant a little orphan boy becomes my son and Robin’s son and he will have 3 brothers and 3 sisters and a huge extended family.  At that instant he will have a forever family and that forever family will do our best to introduce him to the love of a Heavenly Father and introduce him to that Family too.

So prayerfully consider what you can do to help a child without a family.  Is international adoption for you, maybe domestic adoption or it could be foster care or maybe you just need to pray for adopting families or maybe you need to consider giving money to help with an adoption.  In any case we all have a biblical mandate to take care of widows and orphans so figure out how this fits into your life and respond.

If you are interested in learning more about adopting, call or email me, I am always glad to talk to anyone about adopting.  It is a true passion for us.  I was not always this way, I was once the dragee but that all changed a number of years ago and adoption has clearly redefined our family in a huge way.