Frustration and Decisions!

So every adoption has it's days of frustration and this one has been no exception.  I will have to say that in may ways this adoption has been the most frustrating we have ever done.

A lot of it is the agency that will for now remain unnamed.  On the good side the lady we work with most of the time has been great, she is available day or night, she has made the paperwork very easy and removed a lot of barriers there.   But on the other side the agency itself is a pain to deal with, their documentation and contracts are the worst I have ever seen.  There have been multiple times that we have said "NO WAY" and refused to sign documents until they corrected them.  I cant believe that others just sign these when they are blatantly wrong.   I want documentation to be correct and expect the agency to be on top of these things.  I want to be able to trust them but I just don't.  In my professional life I have to judge people and situations quickly and my gut just does not trust this agency it has not from early in the process and likely never will.  This is my 6th adoption and fourth agency and I have never felt like this toward an agency.     Were it not for our primary contact being so helpful and the fact that we know she is a believer I would have stopped the adoption very early in the process.

Then on the negative side of the lady we are working with, she is stubborn and set in her ways.    If it is not the way she does it then it is wrong.  Debating with her is difficult like running in circles.  We have had to push back to get the Beijing tours which they normally don't do.  Flying back from Hong Kong was a major deal that they did not like.  Travel arrangements have been a nightmare.  That is mostly done now with exception of the in country part (thus the latest frustrations).  I have literally spent hours on the phone with this person that I have yet to meet.  I feel like we have become friends during this process.  If we go forward we will get to meet her in just a few short weeks.

There have been so many times in the adoption where I just wanted to throw up my hands and walk away.    I am here again now.  We are within a month of meeting our daughter and I am so frustrated that I just want to give up.    It seems like the agreements and contracts with this agency just never end and the fees just keep going up.   The cost of this adoption with be over twice what we paid on the first one and is up 60% from our adoption just 4 years ago.    Estimates of in country cost are way higher than we expected.   We are traveling during peak tour season so hotels are higher,(thankful for Marriott points to offset some of this)  air fare is higher, little things like getting a van and driver are outrageous, the cost just keep growing. 

We know that God can and will provide but in the heat of the battle it is hard to keep your eyes on this.   For the first time in our adoptions we looked into grants but only met the criteria for one.  We are still waiting to hear back from that one but it will be a matching grant and this late in the process that wont help much if we even get it.   

I am just tired.  Tired of paperwork, tired of fighting with adoption agencies, tired of the pouring out of money to get a child home, tired of spending most of my free time working on something adoption related.  I am just tired.

Now the big question do we go forward or give up.  I think I know the answer but am praying that God will clearly show me that we are on the right track.   I am ready for this one to be over. 

But then the real challenge begins with helping a 6 year old adjust to a new life in a new place with a language she does not know with people she does not know.   Are we up for this?  Are we the right family for her?  Is this place best for her?

Putting my thoughts down here helps. It helps to vent, it helps to document how I feel it helps to let others take a peak under the curtain that is the life of an adoptive parent.

Early in this adoption a dear friend lead us to a bible verse that on the surface has nothing to do with adoption but for me it did.  Acts 8: 26 to 40 the story of the Ethiopian Eunuch.  In versus 30 and 31 Philip asked "do you know what you are reading?"   and the man responds "How can I unless someone explains it to me"   that really impacted me as we know we have a chance to explain the gospel to another child.   

The above combined with words I spoke during our second adoption (more on that another day) dig deep into my heart and force me to press on with things that frustrate me and scare me. 

Pray for us as we make final decisions and arrangements to get Hannah home. Pray for us to make the right choices for everyone involved.  For us to have patience as we with people and circumstances that frustrate us.  Pray for God to be at the center of this adoption and all that we do and for God to be honored in whatever the outcome of this is.

We do covet your prayers right now and trust that all will work out.